“- Ken Hutchinson: Are you crying?
- David Starsky: Am I crying? I'm not crying. You are.
- Ken Hutchinson: It's okay to cry. People cry.
- David Starsky: Well, I'm not like many people. I'm not a crier, I don't cry, I work out. I have a job, I have hobbies.”
Owen Wilson - Ken Hutchinson
Ben Stiller - David Starsky

“He is Conan, Cimmerian, he won't cry, so I cry for him.”
Gerry Lopez - Subotai

“Did you know pigs are as smart as dogs? It's true. I knew this guy in El Capitan who taught his pig to bark at strangers.”
Casey Siemaszko - Charles 'Charley' Bowdre

“They say never trust a limping dog or the tears of a woman.”
Salma Hayek - Frida Kahlo

“Teardrops on my boobs - great country-western standard.”
Amy Irving - Heidi Joan Schoonover