“- Madeline Foster: My father only liked to see me when I was perfect.
- Jessie: Who the hell is perfect?
- Madeline Foster: Exactly.”
Maura Tierney - Madeline Foster
Paul Calderon - Jesse

“- Nick Marshall: I realize I haven't been the perfect dad.
- Alex Marshall: Understatement of the century.”
Mel Gibson - Nick Marshall
Ashley Johnson - Alex Marshall

“- Streak: You got any naked pictures of your sister?
- Gilbert Noble: Of course not.
- Streak: Wanna buy some?”
Brent Hinkley - Streak
Chris Klein - Gilbert Noble

“- Benny 'Uncle Benny' Chan: I'm sleeping with my wife's two sisters.
- Roger Murtaugh: You lucky sonofabitch.
- Martin Riggs: Good for you, Uncle Benny.
- Benny 'Uncle Benny' Chan: Not so good when my wife finds out.”

Kim Chan - Benny 'Uncle Benny' Chan
Danny Glover - Roger Murtaugh
Mel Gibson - Martin Riggs

“- Cass Lake: You see, I think she's my sister.
- Ryan Harrison: Sister?
- Cass Lake: It's like a brother, only you do each other's hair.”
Melinda McGraw - Cass Lake
Leslie William Nielsen - Ryan Harrison