“- Nick Marshall: I realize I haven't been the perfect dad.
- Alex Marshall: Understatement of the century.”
Mel Gibson - Nick Marshall
Ashley Johnson - Alex Marshall

“- Madeline Foster: My father only liked to see me when I was perfect.
- Jessie: Who the hell is perfect?
- Madeline Foster: Exactly.”
Maura Tierney - Madeline Foster
Paul Calderon - Jesse

“- Evelyn Carnahan: You lied to me.
- Jonathan Carnahan: I lie to everybody. What makes you so special?
- Evelyn Carnahan: I am your sister.
- Jonathan Carnahan: Yes, well, that just makes you more gullible.”
Rachel Weisz - Evelyn Carnahan
John Hannah - Jonathan Carnahan

“- Bessie: I wish we could get along.
- Lee: We do get along.
- Bessie: No I know, but I mean really get along and be polite with one another.
- Lee: We're sisters.”
Diane Keaton - Bessie
Meryl Streep - Lee

“My sister, who swiped every guy I ever had my eye on, has now swiped the last guy in the whole freaked out world!”
Kelli Maroney - Samantha Belmont