“- Bert: I'm gonna go shoot some squirrels.
- Paul: Why would you wanna kill squirrels?
- Bert: 'cause they're gay... I'm kidding. I don't care if they're gay or straight, I'll kill 'em either way.”
James DeBello - Bert
Rider Strong - Paul

“- Evan Baxter: These birds had a big meal earlier.
- Rita: Want me to get my BB gun?”
Steve Carrell - Evan Baxter
Wanda Sykes - Rita

“Are those sharks with laser beams attached to their heads?
[Scott Evil nods]”
Mike Myers - Dr. Evil

“- Louis: What? Uh, you're gonna take a flamethrower for a rat?
- Jacques: No, obesity-breath. This is no ordinary flamethrower. See, I modified this baby myself. I just find the rat, aim, and... kazoom.”
Curly Howard - Louis
Frank Moore - Jacques

“- Lady Eboshi: Stay here. Help me kill the Forest Spirit, Ashitaka.
- Ashitaka: You would do that? Kill the very heart of the forest?
- Lady Eboshi: Without that ancient god, the animals here would be nothing but dumb beasts once again.”
Minnie Driver - Lady Eboshi
Billy Crudup - Ashitaka