“The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a Kryptonite condom, but that would kill him.”

Jason Lee - Brodie

“That was the worst fuckin' head I ever got in my life! Next time don't be so fuckin' eager!”

Juliette Lewis - Mallory Knox

“- Andy: What do you wanna do?
- Keiran: Let's have sex.
- Andy: That's a rare idea. All we do is have sex. I think one day you're gonna kill me if I can't perform.”
Luke Wilson - Andy
Kristin Lehman - Keiran

“- Jillian: You killed my husband.
- Spencer Armacost: Yeah. I did. And then I fucked his wife.”
Charlize Theron - Jillian Armacost
Johnny Depp - Commander Spencer Armacost

“- Ramona: That don't scare me, 'cause if you shoot me, I'll be dead. And you're not gonna screw a dead lady!
- Ty Cobb: I might like it.”

Lolita Davidovich - Ramona
Tommy Lee Jones - Ty Cobb