- Angelica Chaste: Seems mine is bigger than yours.
- Stevie "The Rose" Rosellini: Size doesn't matter.
- Angelica Chaste: Oh, yes it does.
- Stevie "The Rose" Rosellini: You mean those girls have been lying to me all those years?

Sheryl Lee - Angelica Chaste
Jim Belushi - Stevie "The Rose" Rosellini

“- Melissa Morrison: Why do men lie?
- Rick Dunne: Uh, that's a hard one. Give me something frivolous to get into it.
- Melissa Morrison: OK. Why do men touch their dick so much?
- Rick Dunne: Because it's there.”
Saffron Burrows - Melissa Morrison
Aden Young - Rick Dunne

- Brian: God bless you.
- Larry Gigli: Thank you.
- Brian: No, not you, stupid. When my penis sneezes, I say "God bless you, penis".
Justin Bartha - Brian
Ben Affleck - Larry Gigli

“That's why these lesbians are always going out and buyin', spendin' all their dough on sexual appliances and erotic monkey wrenches and shit, tryin' to compensate for what they don't have... the penis.”
Ben Affleck - Larry Gigli

“After all, without sex, none of us would be born. And we are all born out of a woman's cunt. It is the center of the world. And the more we can do to glorify that holy spot, the more we're doing for mankind.”
Molly Parker - Florence