“- Larry: I just wanted to meet anybody.
- Bride: I know. It can be rough. Did you try a fern?
- Larry: Yeah.
- Bride: Did you try a dog?
- Larry: Yeah, but they don't seem to really help that much.”
Steve Martin - Larry
Sarah Abrell - Bride

“- Policeman with dog: You people are ought to stay back! Killer here loves to bite!
- Maximillian: So do I!”

Eddie Murphy - Maximillian

“- Vincent Smith: We had this old dog, you see, and it used to bother granny barking through her naps and all that so one day she asked me to shush it for her. Ha! I shushed it all right.
- Ida Smith: Yeah, he sure did. He smoked that old dog just like a hog.”
Rory Calhoun - Vincent Smith
Nancy Parsons - Ida Smith

“- Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld: Has your father ever killed anyone?
- Rusty Griswold: Just a dog. Oh and my Aunt Edna.”
John Candy - Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld
Anthony Michael Hall - Rusty Griswold

- Cousin Avi: Look in the dog.
- Bullet-Tooth Tony: What do you mean "look in the dog"?
- Cousin Avi: I mean open him up.
- Bullet-Tooth Tony: It's not as if it's a tin of baked beans! What do you mean "open him up"?

Dennis Farina - Cousin Avi
Vinnie Jones - Bullet-Tooth Tony