“- Vizzini: I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains.
- Westley: You're that smart?
- Vizzini: Let me put it this way. Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?
- Westley: Yes.
- Vizzini: Morons.”
Wallace Shawn - Vizzini
Cary Elwes - Westley

“A philosopher as well as an artist. It is we who suffer most.”

Christopher Plummer - Bill

“- Jeremy: Friedrich Nietzsche! We cannot burn Friedrich Nietzsche; he was the most important thinker of 19th Century!
- Elsa: Nietzsche was a chauvinist pig, who was in love with his sister.
- Jeremy: He was not a chauvinist pig.
- Elsa: But he was in love with his sister.”

Tom Rooney - Jeremy
Amy Sloan - Elsa

“- Dole Office Clerk: Occupation?
- Comicus: Stand-up philosopher.
- Dole Office Clerk: What?
- Comicus: Stand-up philosopher. I coalesce the vapors of human experience into a viable and meaningful comprehension.”
Bea Arthur - Dole Office Clerk
Mel Brooks - Comicus

“Heidegger isn't all that hard. I mean, his stuff is mostly etymological. You know, like, why is there something rather than nothing at all.”
Diane Lane - Lauren