“Third grade con men telling the poor suckers that watch them that they speak with Jesus, and to please send in money. Money, money, money! If Jesus came back and saw what's going on in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.”

Max von Sydow - Frederick

“The only reason people are nice to me is because I have more money than God.”
Shirley MacLaine - Ouiser Boudreaux

“I do want your money, because God wants your money.”
Bruce White - Reverend Larry

“- Mrs. Pascal: Oh my God, I sounded just like a mother! Didn't I sound just like a mother?
- Marty Pascal: You are a mother.
- Mrs. Pascal: I know, but I still can't believe it. I look at you people and wonder, how did you ever fit in my womb?”
Geneviève Bujold - Mrs. Pascal
Josh Hamilton - Marty Pascal

“- Ed: I wonder how they get the wienie into the corny exterior?
- Monique: A question that has plagued mankind for centuries.”

Kel Mitchell - Ed
Shar Jackson - Monique