“- Paul Hackett: Couldn't you just give me one token, please?
- Subway Attendant: I can't do that. I may lose my job.
- Paul Hackett: Well, who would know... exactly?
- Subway Attendant: I could go to a party, get drunk, talk to someone... who knows?”

Griffin Dunne - Paul Hackett
Murray Moston - Subway Attendant

“- Leslie: Hey can I smoke in here?
- Ron: You don't smoke.
- Leslie: Just asking if I can.
- Ron: Are you high?
- Leslie: I'm high on Kaboom. Don't ask for permission, ask for forgiveness.”

Amy Poehler - Leslie Knope
Nick Offerman - Ron Swanson

“Backyard nudity is hypocritical. It's insincere. People should do and say exactly what they feel and think and not try to hide things.”
Joaquin Phoenix - Doug Holt

- Doug Masters: Anyone ever tell you that you talk too much?
- Col. Charles "Chappy" Sinclair: Yeah, my ex-wife.
Jason Gedrick - Doug Masters
Louis Gossett Jr. - Charles "Chappy" Sinclair

“- Warren T. Rat: Tiger, how did he get away?
- Tiger: He overpowered me.
- Warren T. Rat: You're fired.
- Tiger: Good. I never liked you. And besides, your music stinks.”

John Finnegan - Warren T. Rat
Dom DeLuise - Tiger