“- Veronique Ukrinsky 'Agent 3.14': Oh, Dick, you came for me. Tell me, what...what's been happening?
- Dick Steele 'Agent WD-40': Well, I've been doing a lot of soul searching, getting in touch with my inner child. And after careful consideration, well...I have decided that I love you.”
Nicollette Sheridan - Veronique Ukrinsky 'Agent 3.14'
Leslie William Nielsen - Dick Steele 'Agent WD-40'

“You couldn't buy her, though, that's what's killing you, isn't it? Stef? That's it, Stef. She thinks you're shit. And deep down, you know she's right.”
Andrew McCarthy - Blane

“- Mrs. Potter: What in the world is the matter with you?
- Hammer: Oh, I... I'm not myself tonight. I don't know how I am. One false move and I'm yours. I love you. I love you anyhow.”
Margaret Dumont - Mrs. Potter
Groucho Marx - Hammer

“I can afford him and understand him. He's no good but he's what I want. I'm not a nice person Laura, and neither is he. He knows I know he's just what he is. He also knows that I don't care. We belong together because we're both weak and can't seem to help it.”

Judith Anderson - Ann Treadwell

“- James McKay: There's some things a man has to prove to himself alone... not to anyone else.
- Patricia Terrill: Not even to the woman he loves.
- James McKay: Least of all her... if she loves him.”
Gregory Peck - James McKay
Carroll Baker - Patricia Terrill