“- Amber: Who is this?
- Andre: I am Andre le Pate. I have big balls! And my ass breathes fire!”
Bridgette Wilson-Sampras - Amber
Christian Clavier - Andre

“- Osmosis Jones: What the heck is a uvula?
- Drix: It's that little dangly hing that hangs down in Frank's...
- Osmosis Jones: Boxer shorts! Okay, here we go!
- Drix: Not that little dangly thing! The one in his throat!”
Chris Rock - Osmosis Jones
David Hyde Pierce - Drix

“- Helen Gordon: You're making a noise.
- Harold Anderson: That's my penis. It hums.
- Helen Gordon: I guess it doesn't know the words. Well, I can teach it a few.”
Linda Fiorentino - Helen Gordon
Garry Shandling - Harold Anderson

“- Graydon: The success of our planet and domination of the universe rests in your hands.
- Harold Anderson: Thank you, sir.
- Graydon: Now if you'll go with these men, we'll arrange for your transfer, and attach your penis.”
Ben Kingsley - Graydon
Garry Shandling - Harold Anderson

“- Flight Attendant: There was this strange humming sound coming from his pants.
- Roland Jones: From the front or the back?”
Samantha Smith - Flight Attendant
John Goodman - Roland Jones