“- Tiny Patient: Say, doctor, do you really think I'm gonna get better?
- Dr. Moe Howard: I'm very sorry, but I'm afraid you are.”
"Little Billy" Rhodes - Tiny Patient
Moe Howard - Dr. Moe Howard

- Michael McCann: Are you okay?
- Catherine Banning: Yeah.
- Michael McCann: You know I was okay once. My girlfriend went out one night and came back... married. I told everyone that I didn't care, and then I fucked five women in three days, flipped my car on an on-ramp, beat a suspect unconscious, got suspended... but I was "okay”.

Denis Colin Leary - Michael McCann
Rene Russo - Catherine Banning

“- Monique: You're not his friend you're just using him to scam a little cash off the side. It must feel really good. Oh, but don't worry I'm not going to tell Ed you're cheating him.
- Dexter Reed: Why not?
- Monique: Because it would hurt him too much.”

Shar Jackson - Monique
Kenan Thompson - Dexter Reed

“My doctor totally messes up my nose job. I ask him to make me looked like Gwyneth Paltrow, I get off the surgery table looking life freakin' Shrek.”
Shawn Wayans - Kevin Copeland

- Dr. Kersten: Funky, buttloving!
- George: Did he say "funky buttloving?"
Ross Lehman - Dr. Kersten
Patrick LaBrecque - George