“Before you pee, you lift the seat; after you pee, you put the seat back down. Females in tribestart war over this. Many deaths.”

Tim Allen - Michael Cromwell

“Your old tutor did you a great disservice, Mr. Kynaston. He taught you how to speak, and swoon, and toss your head but he never taught you how to suffer like a woman, or love like a woman. He trapped a man in a woman's form and left you there to die!”
Claire Danes - Maria Hughes

“- Zachary: I think that busboy's checking you out.
- Susan Morton: The words every woman wants to hear!”
Jack Merrill - Zachary
Nancy Travis - Susan Morton

“If you are a rich lady, and I have boned you...Please meet me at the Nacho Cart. If you are a rich lady, and would like to be boned...Please meet me at the Nacho Cart.”
Tim Meadows - Leon Phelps

“Mrs. Robinson, are you trying to seduce me?”
Tim Meadows - Leon Phelps