“- George: Hey Jack, ever get a boner? You know, an erector.
- Jack Powell: Not yet, I'm hoping to get one for Christmas.”
Mario Yedidia - George
Robin Williams - Jack Powell

“- Samantha Swoboda: We better crash at your guys' place for a while in case they come after us.
- Miles Kitchen: Oh sure. 'Hi Mom, Dad. This fourteen-year-old girl, she's just sleeping over tonight. Don't mind me, I'll be upstairs, in my room, entering puberty!'. Are you nuts?”
Jessica Alba - Samantha Swaboda
Kenneth A. Brown - Miles Kitchen

- Dudley Laywicker: Mother, I have a assignation with a young lady. I am going to explore the boundaries of my manhood. Mother, I am going to get laid.
- Dudley's Mother: You're going to be late, dear?
- Dudley Laywicker: Not “late”, mother, “laid”. The past participle of the verb “to lay”. Mother, I am going to screw someone.
Stuart Pankin - Dudley Laywicker
Mina Kolb - Dudley's Mother

- Officer Michaels: McLovin, how is it going with the ladies?
- Fogell: It's not the "going" I'm worried about... but the "coming".
Seth Rogen - Officer Michaels
Christopher Mintz-Plasse - Fogell

- Glauren: Teenagers were meant to fuck.
- Valo: Did she just say "teenagers were meant to fuck"?
Jennifer Rivell - Glauren