“Walden Schmidt-You've mistaken tooth paste for lubricant?
Alan Harper-Just once and it stung like hell, but my penis was minty fresh.
Walden Schmidt-How did you know it was minty fresh?
Alan Harper-Years of yoga and loneliness.
”
Ashton Kutcher - Walden Schmidt
Jon Cryer - Alan Harper

“Let's be real about this. Bala and I... Bala is a princess, and I'm a soil relocation engineer.”
Woody Allen - Z

“- Anney Boatwright: Glen's not like that.
- Granny: You don't know what that boy is like.
- Anney Boatwright: I know he loves me.
- Granny: Love. Can't even hold a job for more than a month.”
Jennifer Jason Leigh - Anney Boatwright
Grace Zabriskie - Granny

“- Officer Oaks: I'm not married.
- Jake Hayes: What, there's no Mrs. Spy?
- Officer Oaks: No, relationships and attachments are useless in this business.”
Philip Anthony Hopkins - Officer Oakes
Chris Rock - Jake Hayes

“You were his boss Gene, not his father.”

Patricia Kalember - Cynthia