“- Artemus Gordon: My auxiliary tool kit, I forgot all about it. It must have fallen out of my pocket.
- James West: Your pocket? Why wasn't it on some spring-loaded contraption that shoots out your ass?
- Artemus Gordon: That's the first place Loveless would have looked.”
Kevin Kline - Artemus Gordon
Will Smith - James West

“It's like an ICBM. You're never gonna use the fucker, but you sleep better at night knowing that you have one.”

Charlie Sheen - Ted Varrick

“- Vanessa Kensington: Did you use protection?
- Austin Powers: Of course. I had my 9mm automatic.
- Vanessa Kensington: You know I meant 'did you use a condom'?”
Liz Hurley - Vanessa Kensington
Mike Myers - Austin Powers

- Sarah: Being a girl, it's all right for me not to be into guns.
- Gun Expert: Whatdya mean, "being a girl"? That's all the more reason ya need one - all these crazies in the streets! You wanna be raped? No. Then you carry a gun.
Alanna Ubach - Sarah
Ed Lauter - Gun Expert

“- Lucille: Would you happen to know how your slingshot wound up in my car?
- Peejoe: I figured you could probably use some protection.”
Melanie Griffith - Lucille
Lucas Black - Peejoe