“I usually have at least a month before I am faced with student in women's underwear or an artist's rendering of my persona dangling from the rafters. And we're only in the first week. It's frightening to imagine what could happen by Christmas, isn't it?”

James D. O'Reilly - Mr. Bernhardt

“- Daphne: I'm looking for clues behind the strange behavior of the college students.
- Voodoo Maestro: Well, here's a clue for you: purple is a fall color. It's the middle of May!”

Sarah Michelle Gellar - Daphne
Miguel A. Núñez Jr. - Voodoo Maestro

“You're an animal. A dog. All you understand is the fist and boot.”
Brad Pitt - Wardaddy

“- Jimmy Boots: You think those whales piss in that water?
- Jelly: No, I think they use the men's room next to the Burger King.”
Richard C. Castellano - Jimmy Boots
Joe Viterelli - Jelly

“Wolves make great pets, don't they? So long as that ain't your sheep they're eating...”
Julius Harris - Speedbagger