“- Brian Hope: Let me try and summarize this: god is his son. And his son is god. But his son moonlights as a holyghost, a holy spirit, and a dove. And they all send each other, even though they're all one and the same thing.
- Charlie McManus: You've got it. You really could be a nun!”
Eric Idle - Brian Hope
Robbie Coltrane - Charlie McManus

I'm all for believing whatever it is that you want to believe; but you say "religion" and I'm thinking Da Vinci's "Last Supper". Jesus looks sad, the apostles look miserable. I don't want to go to their party. Shouldn't religion be more like "Dogs Playing Poker"?

Kandyse McClure - Sue Snell

“It's weird that someone that studies rocks is really into Jesus.”
Greta Gerwig - Brooke

“Born-agains say I don't believe in Jesus, so I'll go to Hell. Jews say I do believe in Jesus, I'll go to Hell. Catholics say I don't believe in the pope, I'll go to Hell. So any way you look at it, I'm in the shit.”
Ben Mendelsohn - Malcolm Bench

“- French Squire 1: An Englishman will not win this French tournament. English legs are unsteady on French soil.
- French Squire 2: And because French wine is too much for English bellies.
- French Squire 3: And most importantly, because the Pope himself is French.
- Roland: Well, the Pope may be French, but Jesus is English! You're on!”
Miroslav Mokos - French Squire
Noel le Bon - French Squire
Scott Bellefeville - French Squire
Mark Addy - Roland