“Sometimes when I'm lyin' in bed, I ache for a man's touch... and by a man's touch, I mean a penis in my vagina.”
Jenna Fischer - Darlene

“I have an enormous collection of vibrators, Father. I have them in all assorted sizes. I have one that's in the shape of a crucifix. My God it's gorgeous. Oh my God, I put it up and put pictures up on the wall of all kinds of things.”

Marla Pennington - Mary Beth McFadden

“- Lucia DeLury: Vagina, vagina, vagina. Does that word do anything for you?
- Bill Truitt: I don't think it does much for anyone, gay or straight.”
Lisa Kudrow - Lucia DeLury
Martin Donovan - Bill Truitt

“That's why these lesbians are always going out and buyin', spendin' all their dough on sexual appliances and erotic monkey wrenches and shit, tryin' to compensate for what they don't have... the penis.”
Ben Affleck - Larry Gigli

“- Andrew: That drag queen is amazing, huh Billy? He totally looks like a woman.
- Billy: Ok, I need to know that his penis is large enough to sustain this relationship.”
Christopher Bradley - Andrew
Sean Hayes - Billy Collier