“- Interviewer: Tell me. Joe or Joseph, why do you want to be a doctor?
- Joe Slovak: That's easy. I want to help people.
- Interviewer: Come one Joe, you can be honest with me. Why do you want to be a doctor?
- Joe Slovak: Well, uh, I want to make lots of money.”
Matthew Modine - Joe Slovak

“- Dr. Werner Ernst: If he's going to die, why should we proceed?
- Dr. Butz: Where have you been all your life? It's called revenue!”
James Spader - Dr. Werner Ernst
Albert Brooks - Dr. Butz

“My doctor totally messes up my nose job. I ask him to make me looked like Gwyneth Paltrow, I get off the surgery table looking life freakin' Shrek.”
Shawn Wayans - Kevin Copeland

- Dr. Kersten: Funky, buttloving!
- George: Did he say "funky buttloving?"
Ross Lehman - Dr. Kersten
Patrick LaBrecque - George

“- Eugene G. Roe: You're a good nurse.
- Renee Lemaire: No. I never want to treat another wounded man again. I'd rather work in a butcher's shop.”
Shane Taylor - Eugene G. Roe
Lucie Jeanne - Renee Lemaire