“What's that? Your IQ, or the size of your dick?”
Kathleen Turner - Vic

“- Milo: I know who you are. You're Teddy Duchamp. Your dad's a looney. A looney up in the nuthouse in Togus. He took your ear and he put it to a stove and burnt it off.
- Teddy: My father stormed the beach at Normandy.
- Milo: He's crazier than a shithouse rat. No wonder you're acting the way you are with a looney for a father.”
William Bronder - Milo Pressman
Corey Feldman - Teddy Duchamp

“When a thought crosses your mind, it's been on the shortest trip in Jakarta.”

Michael Murphy - Pete Curtis

“- Evil: Oh, Benson... Dear Benson, you are so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence.
- Benson: Oh, you say such nice things, Master.
- Evil: Yes I know, I'm sorry!”
David Warner - Evil
Jerold Wells - Benson

“- Sauvage: Maxwell Smart is a fool and a bumbler.
- Nino Salvatori Sebastiani: So how do you explain how this bumbler has been able to thwart KAOS constanly in the past?
- Sauvage: He's a lucky bumbler.”
Vittorio Gassman - Sauvage
Vittorio Gassman - Nino Salvatori Sebastiani