“- Mother: Navin, it's your birthday, and it's time you knew. You're not our natural-born child.
- Navin: I'm not? You mean I'm gonna stay this color?”

Mabel King - Mother
Steve Martin - Navin

They said we had to wait five years for a healthy white baby. I said, "healthy white baby? Five years? What else you got?". Said they got two Koreans and a negra born with his heart on the outside. It's a crazy world.
Sam McMurray - Glen

“We've adopted Satan!”

John Ritter - Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.

“- Mr. Peabody: Badparents make bad children!
- Flo Healy: Oh so now I'm a badparent just because I hate my kid!
- Mr. Peabody: You took him, he's yours!
- Little Ben Healy: That's because you conned us into him!
- Mr. Peabody: What am I supposed to do with the little creep? He's already been returned 30 times!”
Gilbert Gottfried - Mr. Peabody
Amy Yasbeck - Flo Healy
John Ritter - Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.

“- Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.: Dad, we adopted.
- Benjamin 'Big Ben' Healy, Sr.: Are you insane?
- Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.: I thought you'd be happy.
- Benjamin 'Big Ben' Healy, Sr.: Happy? You don't know what you're letting yourself in for. For all you know, his parents may have met in the looney bin. They might even be democrats!”
John Ritter - Benjamin 'Ben' Healy, Jr.
Jack Warden - Benjamin 'Big Ben' Healy, Sr.