“My wife loves it when I have to take a cab home because I'm too intoxicated to drive.”
Aasif Mandvi - Aash

“- Reporter: Why are you in town?
- Nick Charles: My wife is on a bender. I'm trying to sober her up.”
Thomas E. Jackson - Reporter
William Powell - Nick Charles

“No one will ever believe we were married sober.”

Spencer Tracy - Sam Craig

“- Georgia Hines: I love you. Why don't we smarten up and marry each other?
- Jimmy Perrino: Because you're an alcoholic and I'm gay. We'd have trouble getting our kids into a good school.”
Marsha Mason - Georgia Hines
James Coco - Jimmy Perrino

“- Frank: Gil, you have a good memory. Uh, was it yours or Helen's or Susan's wedding I got drunk at?
- Gil: It was all three, Dad. Congratulations.”
Jason Robards - Frank
Steve Martin - Gil