“- Mrs. Hathaway: I love kids. Unfortunately, Mr. Hathaway and I aren't able to have children. He has a low sperm count.
- Michael Kellam: Some guys have all the luck.”
Cynthia Harris - Mrs. Hathaway
Steve Guttenberg - Michael Kellam

“There is nothing in the world to get uptight about. We are two summa cum laudes. We can handle one little baby for eight hours.”
Diane Keaton - J.C. Wiatt

“- Tucker: Which building's yours?
- Healy: Are you familiar with the soccer stadium?
- Tucker: Did you build the Estadio Olimpico?
- Healy: No, just down the street the Celinto Catayente Towers.”

Lee Evans - Tucker
Matt Dillon - Healy

“- Dr. Margo Hunt: The secret temple of the Piranha women. Their architecture is surprisingly advanced.
- Jim: It looks like a big lego to me.”
Shannon Tweed - Dr. Margo Hunt
Bill Maher - Jim

“You don't think the guy who makes the toilets for the Space Shuttle gets to see the plans for the rest of it?”
Neil Crone - Jerry Whitehall