“I've got 48 hours off from the world, man. I'm gonna blow steam out my head like a screaming kettle.”
John Simm - Jip

“- Steve: Being called a cocksucker isn't personal?
- Dalton: No. It's two nouns combined to elicit a prescribed response.
- Steve: What if somebody calls my mama a whore?
- Dalton: Is she?”
Gary Hudson - Steve
Patrick Swayze - Dalton

“I want you to be nice until it's time to not be nice.”
Patrick Swayze - Dalton

“- Morgan: You know, I heard you had balls big enough to come in a dump truck, but you don't look like much to me.
- Dalton: Opinions vary.”
Terry Funk - Morgan
Patrick Swayze - Dalton

“- Jason Nesmith: All right, let's settle down. If we're going to get through this we're going to need self control.
- Gwen DeMarco: Self control? That's funny coming from the guy that slept with every Terrakian slave girl and Moon Princess on the show.”
Tim Allen - Jason Nesmith
Sigourney Weaver - Gwen DeMarco