“- Merry Noel Blake: How many men have you had?
- Liz Hamilton: Is that the test?
- Merry Noel Blake: How many?
- Liz Hamilton: How many before you're a slut?
- Merry Noel Blake: Three!
- Liz Hamilton: 'Better kick me out of the yard.”
Candice Bergen - Merry Noel Blake
Jacqueline Bisset - Liz Hamilton

“- Harry Blackitt: [referring to Catholics] Every time they have sexual intercourse, they have to have a baby.
- Mrs. Blackitt: But it's the same with us, Harry.
- Harry Blackitt: What do you mean?
- Mrs. Blackitt: Well, I mean, we've got two children, and we've had sexual intercourse twice.”
Graham Arthur Chapman - Harry Blackitt
Eric Idle - Mrs. Blackitt

“How did I get it? I mean, it's nothing to do with too much sex, is it?”

Rachel Griffiths - Rhonda Epinstalk

“I know what you can't say. You wanna get laid. You wanna hump your brains out.”
Maureen Stapleton - Ma Kelly

“- Lawrence Jamieson: Do you ever have a single thought that originates from above the waist?
- Freddy Benson: No!”
Sir Michael Caine - Lawrence Jamieson
Steve Martin - Freddy Benson