“- Jimmy McGinty: A real man admits his fears. That's what I'm asking you to do here tonight. Fears... lets talk about them.
- Clifford Franklin: I'm scared of spiders, Coach.”
Gene Hackman - Jimmy McGinty
Orlando Jones - Clifford Franklin

“The itsy bitsy spider caught a mouse in its web, the itsy bitsy spider bit off the mouse's head.”
Jon Lovitz - T.R. Chula

“- Deputy Pete Willis: They're not aliens, they're spiders mutated by contaminated waste!
- Harlan Griffith: That's probably a more logicalexplanation!”
Rick Overton - Deputy Pete Willis
Doug E. Doug - Harlan Griffith

“- Harlan Griffith: There's no way you're telling me that thing back there is from Earth!
- Chris McCormick: All right! They're spiders from Mars! You happy?
- Harlan Griffith: No.”
Doug E. Doug - Harlan Griffith
David Arquette - Chris McCormick

“- David Clark: This goddamn Kenny kid got his fucking nuts bit by a giant-ass spider.
- Brad Gurdlinger: That is amazing. Will you let me know if he develops any superpowers?”
Jason Sudeikis - David Clark
Ed Helms - Brad Gurdlinger