- David: Hey, did you ever see "School of Rock"?
- Andy: Yeah.
- David: Well, this is... it's called "School of…" you know...
- Andy: That's nice.
- David: But it stars Jack Black Cock.
- Andy: That makes sense.

Paul Rudd - David
Steve Carrell - Andy

“- Maxxx Orbison: They're the Assfuck Twins.
- Joe Young: Couldn't I call them the Naughty Twins or something?
- Maxxx Orbison: No, you couldn't just call them the Naughty Twins. They're the Assfuck Twins. Why would you call them The Naughty Twins when they get fucked in the ass all the time?”

Michael Dean Jacobs - Maxxx Orbison
Trey Parker - Joe Young

“- Loan Officer: This financial institution cannot endorse pornography.
- Buck Swope: Stop saying pornography! Why are you doing this to me? I am an actor. I am an actor.”

Don Amendolia - Loan Officer
Don Cheadle - Buck Swope

“- Valerie Weston: I'm gonna go home, Steven. That's right. I'm serious. Because of you, I'm gonna get gangbanged, Steven. Gangbanged in Woodland Hills.
- Steven Schats: A lot of great actresses started out in porn.”
Calista Flockhart - Valerie Weston
Matthew Broderick - Steven Schats

“- Aggie Rockwell: You can't have a nympho do a porno, because then it wouldn't be acting, it would be real.
- Dwayne Hanson: That's the saddest thing I've ever heard.”
Suzy Amis - Aggie Rockwell
Kevin Spacey - Dwayne Hanson