“- Patrick Gates: And he dragged you two into this nonsense?
- Abigail Chase: Literally.
- Riley Poole: I volunteered.”

Jon Voight - Patrick Gates
Diane Kruger - Abigail Chase
Justin Bartha - Riley Poole

“Hi, I'm Bob. Would you knock me out, please? Just hit me in the face.”

Bill Murray - Bob Wiley

“- E.L.: Well, there are these rules that guys have, an understanding as to what exactly constitutes cheating. Take your situation for example: it's not cheating. It's never cheating when you're in a different area code, not to mention a different state.
- Kyle: That makes no sense.
- E.L.: Hey, don't look at me Kyle, ok, I didn't make up the rules.”
Seann William Scott - E. L.
DJ Qualls - Kyle

“Mr. Madison, what you have just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

Josh Mostel - Principal Max Anderson

“Man how the hell can they call Pluto a planet? No motherfucking planet has an elliptical orbit. This shit don't make no sense.”
Jerod Mixon - Shonté Jr.