- Max Belfort: I wait all week for the fucking "Equalizer" and they have to fucking... [picks up the phone, calmly] Hello?... Jean? How are you, Jean?... Righto, Jean, that'll be great... Cheerio! [hangs up, explodes] Fucking half-wit!
- Leah Belfort: You missed it!
- Max Belfort: God... damn it!

Rob Reiner - Max Belfort
Christine Ebersole - Leah Belfort

“Although we are constantly exploring the subject, currently there is no direct evidence that links cellphone usage to brain cancer.”
Aaron Eckhart - Nick Naylor

“- Agent Simmons: Nokias are real nasty. You've gotta respect the Japanese. They know the way of the samurai.
- Maggie Madsen: Nokia's from Finland.”

John Turturro - Agent Simmons
Rachael Taylor - Maggie Madsen

“Have you ever dialed 9-1-1? It's like trying to get a mortgage.”
Woody Allen - David Dobel

“I'm calling from a pay phone because I can't get my piece of shit cell phone to work unless I stand on my head with my fingers up my ass!”
Sasha Alexander - Jackie Samantha Gold