“- Stacy: Well, don't you want to open your present?
- Wayne Campbell: If it's a severed head, I'm going to be very upset.”
Lara Flynn Boyle - Stacy
Mike Myers - Wayne Campbell

“I have a nephew named Anfernee, and I know how mad he gets when I call him Anthony. Almost as mad as I get when I think about the fact that my sister named him Anfernee.”
Tim Meadows - Mr. Duvall

“- Jensen: Legless Pooch and I are on it!
- Pooch: Call me 'Legless Pooch' again, and you're gonna be 'Headless Jensen'.
- Jensen: I think it's a cool name, makes ya sound like a pirate.
- Pooch: Ya mama's a pirate.”
Chris Evans - Jensen
Columbus Short - Pooch

I love it when mothers get so mad they can't remember your name. "Come here, Roy, er, Rupert, er, Rutabaga... what is your name, boy? And don't lie to me, because you live here, and I'll find out who you are".
Bill Cosby - Bill Cosby

“- Aunt Edna: You're the ones who sent me the fruitcake for Christmas. It made me so sick!
- Ellen Griswold: Oh, we're sorry. We thought you enjoyed fruitcake.
- Aunt Edna: Do you enjoy throwing up every five minutes Claude?”
Imogene Coca - Aunt Edna
Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold