“- Lila Dubois: You know what they say about cello players- they like to do it in a chair with their legs spread wide.
- Dylan Ramsey: Ma'am, we have a dog in our presence!”
Sophie Marceau - Lila Dubois
David Spade - Dylan Ramsey

“- Reporter: So, Izzy, how do you keep your voice in such fine shape?
- Chris 'Izzy' Cole: Well, my choir teacher gave me a lot of lessons...
- Kirk Cuddy: He eats a lot of pussy.
- Chris 'Izzy' Cole: Oh yeah, I eat a lot of pussy... tons.”
Mark Wahlberg - Chris 'Izzy' Cole
Dominic West - Kirk Cuddy

“- Summer Hathaway: You want me to be a groupie?
- Dewey Finn: Well, groupie is an important job.
- Summer Hathaway: I researched groupies on the Internet. They sleep with the band!”
Miranda Cosgrove - Summer Hathaway
Jack Black - Dewey Finn

“- Dirt Merchant: Unbelievable!
- Holly So Tightly: What is?
- Dirt Merchant: You've humped half of my record collection.”

Danny Masterson - Dirt Merchant
Jenna Jameson - Holly So Tightly

“I always said, if I had to fuck a guy... I mean had to, if my life depended on it... I'd fuck Elvis.”
Christian Slater - Clarence Worley