“- Charles Rane: Did you and your friend enjoy yourselves down in the lower gallery? Down in that tight, little place? Tell me something, Marti. Did the hero get into your tight, little place?
- Marti Slayton: You're repulsive!
- Charles Rane: You'll change your mind once we get to know each other.”
Bruce Payne - Charles Rane
Alex Datcher - Marti Slayton

“- Derek Smalls: We're taking a sophisticated view of sex...
- Marty DiBergi: Down on a farm.
- Derek Smalls: Yeah.”
Harry Shearer - Derek Smalls
Rob Reiner - Marty DiBergi

“No man can do it. It goes against nature. The male was biologically designed to spread his seed. You're gonna piss off the seeds, man! It goes against science! You wanna be the guy who goes against science?”

Paulo Costanzo - Ryan

“Both men and women want to have sex. It's natural, except we're on different timetables. Women want to have sex fifteen minutes after us. So if you hold out for twenty, she'll be chasing you for five.”
Donal Logue - Dex

“There are two things that clearly differentiate the human species from animals. One, we use cutlery. Two, we're capable of controlling our sexual urges. Now, you might be an exception, but don't drag me down into your private Hell.”

Dan Aykroyd - Friday