“- Nancy Aglet:I am far more powerful than you can ever imagine!
- Father Luke Brophy: Maybe, however you are but one being. I represent the belief of far more people. Did you know that the Christian religion has over a billion followers?
- Nancy Aglet: Big deal, so does the wheel of fortune!”

Linda Blair - Nancy Aglet
Anthony Starke - Father Luke Brophy

“- The Bishop: I really enjoy working with young people such as yourself down at our new Lutheran Center... Why don't you drop by sometime, eh?
- Danny Noonan: I've often thought of entering the Priesthood.
- The Bishop: Oh, are you a Roman Catholic?
[Danny Noolan nods]
- The Bishop: Oh, then I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you can't come.”
Henry Wilcoxon - The Bishop
Michael O'Keefe - Danny Noonan

“Hans! Oh ho! A fine Christian name. Hans Christian Andersen! What are you, Catholic?”
Bruce Dern - Mark Rumsfield

“It was great to be Catholic and go to confession. You could start over every week.”
Francis Capra - Calogero (Age 9)

“- Comicus: Have you heard of this new sect, the Christians? They are a laughriot! First of all, they are so poor...
- Swiftus: How poor are they?
- Comicus: Thank you! They are so poor... that they only have one God!”
Mel Brooks - Comicus
Ron Carey - Swiftus