“- Aunt Edna: Clark, Dinkums needs a long walk and a bath.
- Clark Griswold: Rusty take care of Dinkums.
- Rusty Griswold: Dad he bites.
- Clark Griswold: Bite him back.”
Imogene Coca - Aunt Edna
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
Anthony Michael Hall - Rusty Griswold

“- Nelson Moss: What are you doing?
- Sara Deever: Taking your shirt off.
- Nelson Moss: Why?
- Sara: So you can clean up.
- Nelson Moss: Why?
- Sara Deever: Because you smell like puppy pee.”
Keanu Reeves - Nelson Moss
Charlize Theron - Sara Deever

“- Alex: You're getting a lion?
- Dante: Yeah.
- Alex: Why?
- Dante: To protect my shit.
- Alex: Never heard of a dog?
- Dante: Dude, you can get past a dog. Nobody fucks with a lion.”
Allen Covert - Alex
Peter Dante - Dante

“Sharks are like dogs, they only bite you if you touch their private parts.”
Rob Schneider - Ula

“- Phil Davis: How can you stop an angry dog from biting you on Monday?
- Betty Haynes: That joke is old. The answer is to kill the dog on Sunday!
- Phil Davis: That's not the way to stop a dog from biting you on Monday!
- Betty Haynes: How would you bring the thing about?
- Phil Davis: Have the doggy's teeth pulled out!”
Danny Kaye - Phil Davis
Rosemary Clooney - Betty Haynes