“- Ernie Capadino: Ow. Doesn't that hurt them?
- Dottie Hinson: Doesn't seem to.
- Ernie Capadino: Well, that would bruise the hell out of me.”

Jon Lovitz - Ernie Capadino
Geena Davis - Dottie Hinson

“Your cow is calling you.”

Paulina Porizkova - Dallas

You know what just occurred to me? Roping is stupid. This is a cow, not a gazelle, watch. Get off the horse, huh? Ok. And then you walk up to the cow. Look at how good this is working. Then you say "Hi. I'm Bob Vila with 'This Old Herd'. We're going to rope you today". Then you take Mr. Loop and put it around the head of Mr. Cow.
Billy Crystal - Mitch Robbins

- Mitch Robbins: Those cows trusted us.
- Ed Furillo: Trusted us? They followed us because we yelled, "Yah". They're cattle.
Billy Crystal - Mitch Robbins
Bruno Kirby - Ed Furillo

“- Roy: Hey, I hope you don't mind, I got up a little early, so I took the liberty of milking your cow for you. Yeah, it took a little while to get her warmed up, she sure is a stubborn one. Then, POW, all at once.
- [Takes a drink from the bucket]
- Mr. Boorg: We don't have a cow. We have a bull.
- Roy: I'll brush my teeth.”