“- Doc Stanton: Your face really does seem... familiar.
- Peter Appleton: [looking in the mirror] Wish I could say the same thing.”
David Ogden Stiers - Doc Stanton
Jim Carrey - Peter Appleton

“- Bud: What happened to your face?
- Sissy: Got hit.”
John Travolta - Bud
Debra Winger - Sissy

“- Grandfather Disguisey: When you were on the roof, did you hear something like this?
[Slaps Pistachio]
- Pistachio Disguisey: Yes exactly that! But without the pain on my face. We have a clue!”
Harold Gould - Grandfather Disguisey
Dana Carvey - Pistachio Disguisey

“Who's your daddy, who's your daddy, who's your daddy?”

Dana Carvey - Pistachio Disguisey

“- Samantha James: God, I wanna lick your skin off!
- Chris Brander: I'd prefer you didn't.”
Anna Faris - Samantha James
Ryan Reynolds - Chris Brander