“- Roman: You wanna cruise the lake in a pontoon boat? Or do you wanna ride the waves in a jet boat?
- Ben: Jet boat!! ... Sorry dad.”
Dan Aykroyd - Roman Craig
Ian Giatti - Ben Ripley

“Old age. It's the only disease, Mr. Thompson, that you don't look forward to being cured of.”

Everett Sloane - Mr. Bernstein

“- Willa Weston: What are you doing?
- Vince McCain: I'm freezing him.
- Willa Weston: Why?
- Vince McCain: He's gotta be cryogenically frozen until they find a cure.”
Jamie Lee Curtis - Willa Weston
Kevin Kline - Vince McCain

“- Ronald Camp: I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Ace. I'll have the plumbing checked immediately.
- Ace Ventura: Be sure that you do! If I'd been drinking out of the toilet, I might've been killed!”
Udo Kerr - Ronald Camp
Jim Carrey - Ace Ventura

“I'm saying his sins will soon find him out. I'm saying his cup of iniquity is full. I'm saying Jesse James is a desperate case and may require a desperate remedy.”

James Carville - Governor Crittenden