“- Peter Shepherd: Do you miss mom and dad?
- Judy Shepherd: No.
- Peter Shepherd: Liar. If you don't cut that out, they're gonna send you to a shrink.
- Judy Shepherd: Where do you think they're gonna send you if you don't start talking?”
Bradley Pierce - Peter Shepherd
Kirsten Dunst - Judy Shepherd

“- Freddy Nefler: You'll be much less neurotic if your parents are happily divorced, rather than unhappily married.
- Phyllis Nefler: Thank you, Phil Donahue.
- Freddy Nefler: I saw it on Oprah!”
Craig T. Nelson - Freddy Nefler
Shelley Lee Long - Phyllis Nefler

“- Jimmy: You know I was a bed wetter?
- Oz: You don't do it anymore, do you?
- Jimmy: When I was 12 I saw my father naked in a shower.
- Oz: Well, that's probably why you wet the bed. Very Freudian. Jungian.”
Bruce Willis - Jimmy
Matthew Perry - Oz

“Does my inner child need a spanking?”
Kevin Costner - Roy McAvoy

“The trouble with kids is they always figure they're smarter than their parents.”
William Demarest - Constable Edmund Kockenlocker