“- Clark: I've never been on a baseball field, if I did, the kids in my neighborhood would spit loogies on my forehead.
- Gus: Thats horrible, baseball's America's past time... that's like saying you've never had apple pie.”
Jon Heder - Clark
Rob Schneider - Gus

“Are we not in America? Isn't Baseball America's favorite pastime?”
Kelly Preston - Jane Aubrey

“Any person who would defile America's pastime by wearing a baseball cap backwards... well, that's an evil that speaks for itself!”
Phil Hartman - Virgil Robinson

“- Ivan Danko: I do not understand this sport.
- Art Ridzik: You're not supposed to, it's completely American.
- Ivan Danko: We play baseball now in Soviet Union.
- Art Ridzik: Are you kidding me? This is our national pastime!”
Arnold Schwarzenegger - Ivan Danko
Jim Belushi - Art Ridzik

“I think it's well-known that anti-Americanism has its roots in sexual impotence, at least in Europe.”
Chris Eigeman - Fred Boynton