“- Father Garcia: How long has it been since your last confession, my son?
- Abel Wood: 'Bout twenty years. I just have to get a few things off my chest... Lets see, first there was, uh, this girl in El Paso... her mother... and her grand-mother.”
Cesar Romero - Father Garcia
Tab Hunter - Abel Wood

“- Victor Lyons: You slept with someone? Why didn't you tell me?
- Jennifer Lyons: I just did.
- Victor Lyons: Now you tell me? What good does it do me now?
- Jennifer Lyons: What good is it supposed to do you?”
Joseph Bologna - Victor Lyons
Michelle Johnson - Jennifer Lyons

“- Max Conners: I've assumed my husband always filed the tax return.
- Gloria Vogal: Which one?”
Sigourney Weaver - Max Conners
Anne Bancroft - Gloria Vogal

“Are you telling me you can speak six languages and fly a jetliner but you don't know how to file a tax return?”

Ben Stiller - Steve Arlo

“If you tell the government they will take forty percent of it. Forty percent! Do you know how much that is? That's nearly all of it.”

Lewis McGibbon - Anthony