“Elephantiasis is when something gets bloated and ugly like your ass.”

Ethan Hawke - Ben Crandall

“- Bob Wiley: You ever hear of Tourette's syndrome? Involuntarily shouting profanity?
- Dr. Leo Marvin: It's exceptionally rare.
- Bob Wiley: Shit-eating son-of-a-bitch! Bastard, douche-bag, twat, numb-nuts, dickhead, bitch!
- Dr. Leo Marvin: Why exactly are you doing this?
- Bob Wiley: If I fake it, then I don't have it.”
Bill Murray - Bob Wiley
Richard Stephen Dreyfuss - Dr. Leo Marvin

“You know, you remind me of an infection that I once had.”
Craig Chester - Terry

“I'm gonna hang up before I catch that new kind of AIDS, hearing AIDS, the kind you get from listening to assholes.”
Paul Mazursky - Artie

“You see this badge? You see this gun? You see this gooey, white saccus membranous 'round my personhood?... Well, you dealin' with a white blood cell here! I should be out in the veins, fighting disease, not in the mouth on tartar control.”
Chris Rock - Osmosis Jones