“- Mrs. Kidman: Do these girls go to your high school?
- Eli: No, Mrs Kidman. They're porn stars.”
Donna Bullock - Mrs. Kidman
Chris Marquette - Eli

“Bring me my stunt cock.”
Michael Dean Jacobs - Maxxx Orbison

“- Lisa: How could you have sex with all of those women?
- Joe Young: I didn't it was a stunt cock.
- Lisa: A stunt cock? So you aren't touching all of those women's breasts?
- Joe Young: No they're all just special effects.”
Robyn Lynne Raab - Lisa
Trey Parker - Joe Young

“Come on I'm sick of these stupid educational films man! Where are the ones with the naked women?”

Frank Welker - Munchie

“Hey, I brought you some more videos. You've got your choice: pornos or monster trucks. Oh, and I got one that's both.”
Jack Black - J.D.