- Alan Swann: Comedy is such a mystery to me. I feel the way Edmund Kean did.
- Benjy Stone: The great English actor?
- Alan Swann: On his death bed, Kean was asked how he felt. He answered, "Dying is easy. Comedy is hard".
Peter O'Toole - Alan Swann
Mark Linn-Baker - Benjy Stone

“- Neil Bleene: I've been in the theatre. I'm actually a theatre director. Sometimes certain line-readings apply. Like in comedy, it is a rule. Inflections go up at the end.
- Suzanne Vale: That's a comedy rule?
- Neil Bleene: Well, not so much rule as guideline.”
Oliver Platt - Neil Bleene
Meryl Streep - Suzanne Vale

“Comedy is the three and a half minute chunks of filler on TV between the commercials you sell.”
Emma Thompson - Katherine Newbury

“- Manny: You are going to need a co-pilot.
- Sam Sparks: You are a pilot, too?
- Manny: Yes. I am also a particle physicist.
- Sam Sparks: Really?
- Manny: No, that was a joke. I am also a comedian.”
Benjamin Bratt - Manny
Anna Faris - Sam Sparks

“- Jack Payne: You know what they say is the first thing that a man feels when he shoots a civilian?
- Bob Lee Swagger: The recoil of the rifle?
- Jack Payne: [snickers] Yeah.
- Bob Lee Swagger: Very original.”
Elias Koteas - Jack Payne
Mark Wahlberg - Bob Lee Swagger