“This isn't going to work. I haven't had a conversation with a child since I was a child.”

Whoopi Goldberg - Harriet Franklin

“You ever talk that way to my kid again... I'm knockin' you out!”

Michael Keaton - Jack

- Lt. Sam Weinberg: You've heard her. The girl sat here, pointed and said, "Pa". She did. She said, "Pa".
- Lt. Daniel Kaffee: She was pointing at a mailbox, Sam.
- Lt. Sam Weinberg: That's right. She was pointing as if to say, "Pa, look, a mailbox".

Kevin Pollak - Lt. Sam Weinberg
Tom Cruise - Lt. Daniel Kaffee

“- Rafferty: He needs someone to talk to.
- Bobby: Well, buy him a German Shepherd.
- Rafferty: He thinks he's worthless.
- Bobby: Well, he might be on to something!
- Rafferty: It's your job to show him he's not.”

Richard Mulligan - Rafferty
Lewis Smith - Bobby Fantana

“Needless to say, we felt qualified to handle having children. And we planned to have children. We sat in the backseat of a car... and discussed it! Children! Having children and bringing them up.”

Bill Cosby - Bill Cosby