“- Eugene Morris Jerome: Don't hate me for what I'm going to say.
- Stanley: What is it?
- Eugene Morris Jerome: I think Aunt Blanche has a great ass.
- Stanley: They're gonna lock you up in a sex asylum. If I was your sister I wouldn't sleep on the same block as you!”
Jonathan Silverman - Eugene Morris Jerome
Brian Drillinger - Stanley

“It's a male myth about feminists that we hate sex. It can be a natural, zesty enterprise. But unfortunately there are some people - it is called satyriasis in men, nymphomania in women - who engage in it compulsively and without joy. Yes, Mr. Lebowski, these unfortunate souls cannot love in the true sense of the word.”
Julianne Moore - Maude Lebowski

“You just wanna get laid. You'll say anything to get laid. Just like everyone else from California. What do you have, a cock for a brain, baby? Don't fuck with me, you asshole. Why don't you go fuck your father if he loves you so much?”
Anne Carlisle - Margaret

“- Joey LaMotta: I took her out a couple of times.
- Jake La Motta: You went out with her and you didn't try to fuck her?
- Joey LaMotta: I try to fuck anything.”

Joe Pesci - Joey
Robert De Niro - Jake La Motta

“- Helen Gordon: You're making a noise.
- Harold Anderson: That's my penis. It hums.
- Helen Gordon: I guess it doesn't know the words. Well, I can teach it a few.”
Linda Fiorentino - Helen Gordon
Garry Shandling - Harold Anderson