“- Nicole Horner: Come on, she's not a murderer. She's an ex-nun, for Christ's sake!
- Det. Shirley Vogel: I remember them. They disappeared overnight like dial phones.”

Sharon Stone - Nicole Horner
Kathy Bates - Det. Shirley Vogel

“- Anna Baragli: It doesn't mean I don't love you.
- Hudson Hawk: Oh, no! You love me! It's your job! You probably love Butterfinger over there.
- Anna Baragli: In a weird sort of Catholic way, I do.”

Andie MacDowell - Anna Baragli
Bruce Willis - Hudson Hawk

“I am going to Bangkok to assume a missionary position.”

Joan Messiah - Nun

“- Nun: Have you ever been down the Yellow River?
- Leon: ...Yea, once in the '80s but I did not enjoy it...”
Joan Messiah - Nun
Tim Meadows - Leon Phelps

“I like to help people. I am like Mother Theresa... but of bonin'.”
Tim meadows - Leon Phelps