“- Jamaal: Shit, motherfucker, you be lucky to get accepted to Duke, gettin' a 1430 on yo' SATs.
- Lee Harvey: Motherfucker, you know I had the flu.
- Jamaal: The flu, my ass! You had a motherfuckin' aneurysm to get a 1430!”
Anthony Anderson - Jamaal
Mongo Brownlee - Lee Harvey

“- Murph: You don't know who you're talking to. I'm a senior student at this school.
- Junior Healy: No shit, you've been here since 1970.”
Eric Edwards - Murph
Michael Oliver - Junior Healy

“My first grade teacher, Miss Nimvel, told Dede that I never paid attention. That I was probably retarded, and that I had a very limited future as a citizen of the United States. Then a week later, she said I should probably skip second grade, maybe even skip elementary school altogether.”
Adam Hann-Byrd - Fred Tate

“You know, them college boys ain't so smart. I sold one of my worst cars to one of 'em today. They ain't too smart.”
Paul Dooley - Dad

“- Kumar Patel: I'm gonna be honest with you. The only reason I'm applying is so my dad will keep paying for my apartment. I really don't have a desire to go to med school.
- Dr. Willoughby: But you have perfect MCAT scores!
- Kumar Patel: Yeah, just cause you're hung like a moose doesn't mean you gotta do porn.”
Kal Penn - Kumar Patel
Fred Willard - Dr. Willoughby