“- Sharmeen: I was so worried. We saw on the news that a train derailed, and we thought that you were on the train, and you had died.
- Kumail: Nobody died on that train, ma.
- Sharmeen: But did they look under the train?”
Zenobia Shroff - Sharmeen
Kumail Nanjiani - Kumail

“- Ed: I'll teach him everything I know!
- Mr. Baily: Oh... God, help me.”

Kel Mitchell - Ed
Dan Schneider - Mr. Baily

- Charles "Commie" Comiskey: Well we're prepared to give you a 5 year contract...
- Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis: Lifetime contract.
- Judge Friend: Lifetime?
- Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis: A man worried about his job is bound to play favorites. Now you gentlemen don't want that do you?

Clifton James - Charles "Commie" Comiskey
John Anderson - Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis
Dick Cusack - Judge Friend

“- Albertine: I’m worried about you.
- Celeste: You’re worried about me? You don’t need to worry about me. I’m solid. I worry about you. Baby, that’s my job to worry about you.”

Raffey Cassidy - Albertine
Natalie Portman - Celeste

“- Luggage Salesman: Have you thought much about luggage, Mr. Banks?
- Joe: No.
- Luggage Salesman: It's the central preoccupation of my life.”
Barry McGovern - Luggage Salesman
Tom Hanks - Joe