- Mike Hanson: How did you figure it out?
- Bar Patron: After a string of girlfriends, a couple ex-wives, and a Great Dane or two. I started thinking, "Hey, maybe it's me".
Ryan Reynolds - Mike Hanson
Louis E. Rosas - Bar Patron

“I don't think I can be with someone who doesn't like animals and thinks I'm a mental person.”

Kate Hudson - Andie Anderson

“Four-and-a-half years I live wit' a buddy an' his family. I think I'm diggin' a guy's character... Boy, I'm a victim of disappointment in you.”
Russ Tamblyn - Riff

“- Constance Sack: You know, some people have said that you've become quite difficult to work with. That you're constantly late, you're reclusive, sometimes even nonsensical.
- Stacee Jaxx: I wanna ask you this: Have these people, even met themselves?”
Malin Akerman - Constance Sack
Tom Cruise - Stacee Jaxx

“- Mary: What are you thinking?
- Isaac: I dunno, I was just thinking. There must be something wrong with me, because I've never had a relationship with a woman that's lasted longer than the one between Hitler and Eva Braun.”
Diane Keaton - Mary
Woody Allen - Isaac